Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
