I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
