Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
