the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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