Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
