I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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