Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Randomize
