My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
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