this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize