Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
