I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
