Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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