i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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