none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
