I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
