dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
