I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
