I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
