Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
