I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
