Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
