i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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