No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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