I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
