I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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