I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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