Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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