3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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