haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
