apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Send help, water and tortillas.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
