Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
