new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
We need a shit load of segways right now
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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