good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
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