Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
