just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Randomize
