This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
