I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
