Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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