a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
