did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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