At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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