Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
