billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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