I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
All I want is dick and wine.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
