yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
