After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize