i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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