and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
