my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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