I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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