Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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