I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
