Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
