yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
