i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
