I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i drank out of a bidet.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
