No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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