i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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