What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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