why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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