these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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