On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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