She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
