After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Your penis caused this!
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