I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
