help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
