And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
