What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
