I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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