And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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