just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
