It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
