This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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