I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
