Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
